Posted on February 1, 2016

We Should Totally Just Stab Caesar: Your Guide to Spotting a Fake Friend


As young adults and college students, we are constantly on the quest for self-identification. This process, as scary and daunting as it may seem, can be less traumatic than you think. One of the biggest steps in this process is determining who your real friends are. This new “temporary people” thing is slowly but surely catching on and making its way into everyone’s mind. We do not want people to be in our lives that would leave at any moment. That is so not fetch. We want people that are in it for the long-haul.

If you relate to any of these situations, you may have a real plastic problem in your friend group:

If they tend to only speak to you when it is convenient for them.

Typically, these people tend to only hit up your phone if they have a question, if they need something personal or if they’re just bored. These type of friends aren’t going to be there for you when you need something from them. The second you need advice on an issue, they’re going to all of a sudden be busy or their phone will magically stop working. When you want to hang out, they give you the Karen Smith excuse of all excuses. Excuse me? No.

If they always ask you to spot them on paying for things, but have no intention of paying you back.

Paying for your friends every once in a while isn’t a bad thing and not all circumstances are the same, but usually, the people that take advantage of you are the ones that don’t deserve a permanent place in your life. Just because they call you a friend doesn’t mean that you need to fork over ten dollars every day for a month to buy their lunch because you feel bad that they didn’t have any money. After all, money doesn’t buy happiness, especially when it is YOUR money and someone else’s happiness.

Typically, the people who are the most temporary are also the most fake.

You know you have one of these people in your life if they tend to say things about you behind your back (or maybe even to your face) that friends shouldn’t say to other friends. These people will also be very unaffectionate when you need affection the most. If you’re having a bad day and you’re explaining to your friend what happened, and all they reply with is, “That sucks,” you might as well be talking to a piece of cardboard. You deserve a friend who cares about what you’re going through and is willing to do anything to fix it. Wouldn’t you do that for your best friend?

These temporary people will also disregard the simple rules of girl/guy code.

Listen, you do not date your friend’s ex. That is one of the most basic rules of the code. You just do not do it. Ever. The fake friends will make up some excuse like, “Well you two barely dated” or “But you guys broke up.” However, it’s the principle of the thing. Leftovers are for your mom’s spaghetti, not significant others. “I mean, that’s just like, the rules of feminism.” — Gretchen Wieners

If you have placeholder people in your life, it’s time to let them know that you’re trying to find who truly has YOUR best interest at heart and who’s there for you in your time of need. Whether you’re in high school, college or have a life of your own already, there isn’t time to waste on someone who wouldn’t spend their time on you. Just ask Cady Heron.

Photo by: Pixabay

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