Relationships are sort of like college—life-changing, rewarding, difficult and able to provide you with plenty of opportunities, assuming that you have made the right choices. Being young, stressed, and (more than likely) broke is hard enough, but managing all the issues and intimate moments with another person will be just as much a blessing as it is a curse. Unless, of course, they’re just not into it. In which case, you’ll be stuck wasting your time and effort for someone who’s simply not that into you. Lucky for you, you have another guy to break down all the red flags and what they could possibly be.
Be advised, not every guy who does one of these is cheating. Not every guy is the same. Most importantly, not every guy is going to take too kindly to being suspected of cheating. Communication is key, and so is trust. If you don’t trust him, you’re wasting your time and his. Here’s how you can tell if your guy is ruining it for everyone:
1) He’s Not Interested
It’s 11 o’clock at night and you just want to check in. You’re a bit tired, but decided to just send a quick “how are you?” text to see how his day was (obviously). The text bubble appears, disappears, appears for a quick moment again, and then fades away. It never comes back. Maybe he was already sleep, maybe he was texting someone else. Behaviors like this can happen, but should not be a usual thing. If he’s not bothering to even send a quick text back, he may just not be taking it seriously.
It may be a hard pill to swallow, but we’re all young and not everyone is ready for the plunge. It may just be a passing thought that turned into reality, or just incompatibility. If he’s not noticing or caring for your attention, aside from sex, take note of it. That’s kind of the entire point of being in a relationship. If the exclusivity is already in question, why bother even taking it farther?
2) He’s Not Willing To Fight/Argue
Mind you, some guys can be passive, but if he’s not willing to bunker down in a point and go toe-to-toe with you, something’s wrong. Those shrugs and head shakes are all pointing to him possibly being over the situation altogether, or worse. Avoiding issues, or you in general, may just mean that he’s getting attention elsewhere.
Now sometimes, arguments are just petty. If you’re upset that he didn’t feed your cat or bring you lunch that day, you may just have to deal. We all can be difficult, sure, but there’s a difference between not caring and not entertaining stupid topics. I guess no cuddling that night, right? You’ll get over it. He’ll probably forget about it anyway, which may make you mad all over again.
3) He Doesn’t Trust You
Before you call him into question, ask yourself if you’ve given any reason for him to act a certain way. Maybe your schedule has suddenly flipped and there hasn’t been a reason why. Perhaps you have a male friend that seems too close? It all may be a misunderstanding, and he’s giving you space instead of being all up in your face. The worst kind of conversation to have with your girlfriend is telling her where she can and can’t be with, or where she can and can’t be. Guys like not getting yelled at. We just avoids those kinds of situations.
It could be something as simple as him not knowing your passcode. One of your followers on Instagram is suddenly flooding your notifications and he sees it. Again, communication is the major key. Lay out the issues and don’t be pissed if he asks a “dumb” question.
4) The Relationship Hasn’t Been Defined
It’s kind of hard to be your boyfriend if you don’t even know that someone is claiming you. Make sure that he’s aware that you two are dating. Not implied, not inferred, none of that “let’s see what happens!” garbage. If you two haven’t claimed each other yet and made it official to yourselves, consider it “talking.” Some guys can hold plenty of conversations, if you didn’t know.
Also, make sure the relationship is consistently labeled and both of you are aware of it. If you two are on a “break,” or “slowing things down,” decide what that means. Don’t pull a Ross and Rachel. Otherwise, it’ll be a grand old time finding out who Amanda is and why she’s texting him eggplant emojis and 2 a.m. Lay down the rules when things are rough, so issues can be resolved and things can be good again. Bonus points if he wants to resolve them, and not just disappear on you. That usually means he cares (which is what you want, you know?).
5) He Suddenly Needs Privacy
“What do you need my passcode for?” Just pack your bags and leave right then. “What’s mine is yours” isn’t just some cute thing you say at a wedding (and you if two aren’t serious, you shouldn’t be too surprised he’s messing around, regardless). Having nothing to hide is the biggest sign of trustworthiness. Without it, you’re already in a hole you’re not making it out of.
On the flip side, if you feel the need to check his phone, that’s probably your intuition, that raw, bold instinct that naturally tells you when something isn’t right. It’s how you knew you were going to fail that test as soon as you looked at the first question. If you don’t trust the guy, don’t be with him. Checking texts, (or calls, e-mails, DMs, etc.) are all just excuses to see if he’s cheating. If he’s not, you just look crazy and guaranteed he’s annoyed about it. Find a guy you can trust, or work on yourself before you decide to start dating.
Truthfully, he wants to be with you. It’s why he signed up to be yours, and do all sorts of cute and annoying stuff with you. Cheating on a person is like cheating on a test; you don’t have something you need. Not having all the answers or knowing a formula is like not getting affection at home or arguing all the time. You’re going to get what you want, one way or another. With that in mind, read the signs, don’t always follow that funny feeling in your gut (or your best friend’s advice) and be willing to communicate.
photo via pixabay.com